whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
