Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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