I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
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I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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