i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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