Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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