Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
barbara walters just said penis...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We are two peas in an std pod
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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