my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your penis caused this!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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