Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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