New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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