i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I currently don't understand fingers.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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