He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
