Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize