I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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