i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
