I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
