I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
