hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
