This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
