They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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