He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Enjoy the penises
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
