i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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