Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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