are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
