Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Found your dick twin last night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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