Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She's the barista slut.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
