..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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