I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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