New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
