he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
