So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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