420 ftw
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
