wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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