If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
