some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
