I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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