She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
