So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i love accidental penises.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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