You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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