the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You ate ashes out of my bong
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
