Sry I called you an 8
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
