I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I'm really busy with my period
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
