I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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