Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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