he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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