All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
