You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
