I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
