Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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