You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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