My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
