so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ladies don't puke and tell
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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