He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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