I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
