Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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