If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You made out with two different species that night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
