You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
