Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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