after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
